white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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