note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do vagina's smell?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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