Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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