"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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