Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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