you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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