I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize