You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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