My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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