I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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