Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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