My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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