So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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