now i know why i became what i already was.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize