so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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