I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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