how can u be prego again
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize