I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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