i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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