I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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