She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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