Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I want is dick and wine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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