I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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