i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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