The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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