Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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