I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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