I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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