u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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