Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize