Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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