did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize