Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize