There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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