they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize