well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize