I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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