I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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