My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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