Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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