I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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