the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize