don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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