I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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