I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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