went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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