I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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