atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize