You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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