Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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