Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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