you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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