I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my phone needs a breathalizer
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize